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I genuinely don't know if anyone here really follows the stuff I make besides one or two folks who follow me elsewhere where I shill my own content more.

But on the off chance I've just not being promoting my own projects enough over here, let's do one last big tooting of my own horn:

Hi! I'm hokaze! Once in a blue moon I actually write random things, do presentations on things I care about and make videos.

My latest video on a friend's selfless birthday request and me taking it way too far in a bid to become an anime protagonist IRL is here: youtube.com/watch?v=F1rc0I2m1k

My presentations done for the Conclave of Curios on whatever topics strike my fancy and the theming of their events can be found here: youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkE

My rarely-used blog where I sometimes do weird things with tabletop RPGs, review media or throw poetry and short prose into the void is here: hokazenoflames.wordpress.com/

Soundcloud! I mostly don't use it, but it does have some remixes and memes and other audio: soundcloud.com/hokaze-76547440

My mostly abandoned but not officially dead fanfiction can be found at AO3 and fanfiction dot net, with the former more likely to be updated or see new stories:
archiveofourown.org/users/hoka or fanfiction.net/u/2929362/HoKaz

My old (but not furaffinity-old or 2009-era-deviantart-old) art can be found here: deviantart.com/hokazenoflames

Some barely-maintained Android apps are here: play.google.com/store/apps/dev

Old code stuff is here: github.com/hokaze

There's a lot other stuff out there if you know where to look, but I'd rather not link to my early-teenage FurAffinity, DeviantArt, WiiBrew, etc accounts, y'know?

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And here's what I've been doing for the last month: 30 DAYS OF RECKLESS GOOD

Initiated because Rosie asked folks a month ago to spend 30 minutes decreasing world suck for her birthday (today) and I escalated wildly in response.

Was originally going to include the actions of others from the same post for this big inspiring montage, but lack of submissions and time constraints limited it to just covering my own take on the call to action.

(And even then I've had to cut a lot of corners and put far too much time into this the past few days to get this done for today)

I was in a pretty bad place a little over a month ago. Close friends helped lift me out of my downwards spiral, but it was Rosie's challenge to make the world suck less that gave me the final kick.

With this project to focus so much time and energy on, it's been an ample distraction from the things that have had me so down. It's also been exhausting! Still very good! Glad to have done it! But I'm knackered...

Anyway, here's hoping the video falls closer to "inspiring" or "motivational" rather than "ego-stroking" or "needless virtue signalling"?

youtube.com/watch?v=F1rc0I2m1k

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"metaverse" 

Published October 29, 2007

hokaze boosted

Got a video presentation coming up early next month and I have...ideas...about how to handle the intro.

Yeah, I'm very much back on my BS and I'm starting work on this a bit late but life's been really hectic as of late, so hell yeah I'm bringing manic 2007-2011 era youtube energy into this talk!

hokaze boosted

a computer can never be held accountable

therefore a computer must never make a management decision

(IBM, 1979 slide)

hokaze boosted

Just about every "under construction" sign you saw on the web in the 90s:

textfiles.com/underconstructio

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a grizzled private-eye questioning their gender, call that a hardboiled egg

hokaze boosted

me: Buttcoin, the Proof of Ass cryptocurrency. The better your arse, the more internet money you get.
...
me: wait, that's just onlyfans

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the three genders: furry, anime girl, generic gruff dude

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So apparently Humble Bundle decided that it would stop supporting macOS and Linux in two weeks, leaving two weeks for people to download their game for those platforms, not getting updates for them anymore, and also shutting down ability to download from the site, forcing you to go through their new Windows only launcher.

So I'll take this opportunity to make a casual reminder that there is nothing humble about humble bundle anymore.

hokaze boosted
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@SwooshyCueb well it turned out to just be asbestos again

not even kidding

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anyone else remember all they hype about graphene and carbon nanotubes?

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-/~, housing, stress, exhaustion 

Quick status update, much less angst and more reasonable length this time.

Housing hunt has took a few unfortunate turns, place viewed today needed way more work doing to fix it up to be liveable than expected and even if I can knock the asking price down to make it affordable, it's a lot of faff.

The other place I'm looking at next week, after nosing around the outside with the folks and comparing measurements, is vastly smaller than expected, even for my minimalistic needs, to the point of properties in the same range have larger bathrooms than the bedrooms.

It's been a long day from getting up early, going around, actual viewings, trying to get a lay of the land, looking at a few other "maybes" from afar only to realise there's some dealbreaker about the surrounding area or lack of easy access to the house itself, then doing extra budgeting for repairs, working out council tax, popping out to grab meds, discussing housing with the folks, making a few detours for places they're considering for themselves, etc

I'm in a much better place mentally than the past few weeks, I'm just a little deflated as everything I managed to shortlist has some significant issues that weren't obvious from the listings and my #1 pick has been left vacant after the photos were taken and has accumulated water damage.

I have now expanded my search to include properties I can't quite afford unless I argue the price down, as these are looking more promising and I might be able to swing cheaper prices by being a quick purchaser as I don't have a property to sell and can move whenever.

But for now, I'm taking a break, and will try to do so for the rest of today, lest my brain leak out and decide to find new residence outside my head.

hokaze boosted

Another wikipedia article that's not about what I thought it would be about en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbian_

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thanks to Winnie the Pooh becoming public domain, you can now say your OC met Pooh, and that is canon and instantly gives them a Ryu number of 3

hokaze boosted

"The trans Pride flag has been planted on the peak of Antarctica’s highest mountain, Vinson Massif, by trans climber Erin Parisi.

Dedicating her achievement to 'the resilience of the trans community' that 'took me in when I had no hope', Parisi said trans people 'showed me that it’s better to be visible and free, than live in self-imposed exile, and that stigma withers when we visibly embrace our truth'"

pinknews.co.uk/2022/01/03/tran

-, family, covid, cancer 

Thanks to venting, a lot of folks reaching out to me, and a little self-care, I was feeling way better and ready to take on 2022 than I was yesterday, but, well...

My granddad, who was triple-vaxxed, just tested positive for covid and has been coughing a lot, so the pcr test is being sent off in the post.

I know folks who've tested positive after the 3 jabs and more-or-less been fine, but between his age and conditions (I forget the specifics, but know he has issues with his liver and had chemo for some form of cancer a few years ago)...

...the outlook probably isn't all that good, but there's nothing to do but wait and see 🙁

-, anxiety, suicide, depression, helping the homeless, boundaries, stress, altruism burnout 

I feel like shit and hate myself for it, but I've blocked the number of one of the homeless folks, Angela, I've been helping the past few months.

With all my stresses piling up this past month and some close calls risking my job by dashing out during working hours to help, I just can't keep doing this anymore.

Not when even on weekends and outside of work hours, I'm not supposed to be leaving the house.

Not when I go through hella anxiety each time and a lot of the time after an urgent request to be there ASAP, she's nowhere to be found but will be there in half an hour and have to flip a coin on if I wait 30+ mins to help, in crowded areas setting off anxiety, or ditch them and avoid risks with work, home or myself.

Today was the last straw, snuck out as the folks don't want me leaving the house at this time of year (considering they know my depression is at its worst right now around New Year's and I'm potentially a risk to myself) at the urgent request.

She was at none of the usual spots. Were 45 mins away, despite earlier saying she was 5 away.

I'm risking so much as it is, I can't possibly stay out that long, and even if I did, I've got another friend who tried to OD a few days ago who is also depressed around about now (our best friend committed suicide on 02/01 about 7 years ago) and I've got all the housing stuff on my plate too.

She repeatedly asked me "yes or no" to whether I'd help after I'd said I had to go back and would try again to help on Tuesday.

There was begging, I felt awful for denying her, but kept saying No and tried to explain briefly why I couldn't without trauma-dumping the details.

Over the course of an hour, I got nearly 20 texts, had made 5 denials of her request today and then dropped a "I'm sorry I can't help, here's just a few of the reasons I can't go out again right now, message me again today and I block this number", got 3 more messages, so poof.

Done. I feel no peace from it, as they've been relying on me for a while and they're in a really shit situation health-wise even compared to some of the other folks I help on the streets.

But I physically can't keep doing this (and will be moving too far away to help soon anyway) and had to put myself first.

It sucks! I've had to dial back most of my altruistic contributions to mutual aid funds and the like, and cut back on my sweeps where I go out and give company and cash to the homeless because of tight finances for housing stuff and pandemic anxiety and all that.

So this was the one person I was still going out of my way to help through a trying time and I hate that I can't help, that I have to say no, that it reached point that it went from "no can't help you today" to "fuck it, I'm done".

Heck, the friend who shares my grief at our mutual friend's death is travelling miles to pay respects and I can't even muster the willpower to go with them.

I know I'm being irrational and it's good to have boundaries and that I can't help anyone if I don't help myself but I'm just so damn tired of everything, of always flaking out and cancelling.

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queer.af, your cosy queer space queer.af is a mastodon instance for those who are queer or queer-adjacent who would like a more pleasant social media experience.